


Scared of Moving On, but You're Already Gone

by OverlyObsessed223



Series: umbrella academy one-shots where people give a damn about klaus [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Afterlife, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves Friendship, Canon Compliant, Closure, Fix-It of Sorts, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Oops, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Season/Series 03, Spoilers, but i needed this so, don't do what klaus does, i cried, idk if this was mean or not, suicide is never the answer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26040475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OverlyObsessed223/pseuds/OverlyObsessed223
Summary: “You know, I was really hoping you wouldn’t show up here."“Yeah, well, when have I ever done anything you hoped I wouldn’t do?”orKlaus gets to say goodbye.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Everyone, Klaus Hargreeves & The Hargreeves
Series: umbrella academy one-shots where people give a damn about klaus [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1890268
Comments: 35
Kudos: 817





	Scared of Moving On, but You're Already Gone

**Author's Note:**

> hey, I'm back again. 
> 
> i cried while writing this, so... goodluck.
> 
> also, trigger warning: mentions of suicide, please be careful while reading if this is something that is unsafe for you to read about!

The Afterlife looks different this time around. 

It’s been three whole years since Klaus has last graced God’s domein with his presence, though if you factor in the time travel it’s only been a few days. Still, while everything is still black and white, the trees have shifted and grown taller, and the once straight pathway is now curvy, winding away into nothingness. It’s probably not good how he’s been here enough to notice that it’s changing, but if he’s being truthful, the concept of death has simply not phased him for a good chunk of his life. 

“How many times am I going to have to kick you out before you learn to _stay away_?” Klaus shifts so that the little girl on her bike is now in full view from where he’s standing, a look of pure annoyance gracing her young face. She hasn’t changed at all, Klaus notes, and he thinks she likely stays that way—her eyes hold millions of years of wisdom in them. 

“Yeah, I know, but I couldn’t help myself this time,” Klaus shrugs with a sigh, waving his arms around as if to say ‘whatever’. 

“Look, it’s one thing to come here accidentally,” the girl scowls, sitting back on the seat of her bike and crossing her arms. “But coming here on purpose, when you know I have better things to do—that’s unacceptable.”

“What’re you gonna do, keep me here?” Klaus raises an eyebrow, grinning when her scowl deepens because he got her there.

“My time is valuable, and it’s hardly worth the time it takes to deal with _you_ ,” she responds, her sentence ending with a hiss. Then, after a moment, she uncrosses her arms, exhaling as if she’s struggling to keep her patience intact. “So do what you came here to do so I can get you out of here.”

She points over to Klaus’ left, and when he turns to look he sees a small cottage standing about fifty yards away. With one last look at God, Klaus swallows thickly and begins the trek over to the front door of the cottage, leaving the dirt path behind in favor of soft grass in between his toes. This really is a nice neighborhood, and Klaus does hope he’ll be allowed to stay one day. When he gets to the front door, he raises his hand to knock, but stops his fist in midair when he realizes the door is cracked open. 

With a deep breath in and out, Klaus pushes open the door and steps inside. The inside of the cottage looks as welcoming and cozy as the outside did, his gaze first landing on a nice living room with big open windows and a crackling fireplace facing a deep green couch. There are photographs lining every wall, and even if they’re in black and white, Klaus can immediately tell who the people in the pictures are. 

“You know, I was really hoping you wouldn’t show up here,” says the all too familiar voice, and Klaus can’t stop the smile that’s already spreading onto his face.

Klaus looks to his right, and leaning against a doorway is the one and only Ben Hargreeves.

Ben is no longer wearing his signature all black getup, having ditched his ghost outfit for a red button up shirt and light blue skinny jeans. His hair is still the same, and so is his smile, which is soft and endearing. Klaus cherishes every memory he has of that smile—it’s his favorite thing in the whole universe. 

“Yeah, well, when have I ever done anything you hoped I wouldn’t do?” Klaus points out, reaching up to tuck a strand of long hair behind his ear so that it’s not in his face. 

Ben rolls his eyes, albeit good naturally, and kicks up off the doorway so that he’s standing up straight. 

“C’mon, I’ll make tea,” Ben says, walking past Klaus, gesturing for his newly arrived brother to follow him into the kitchen. The kitchen, which is connected to the living room, is small, with only a small table in the corner with two chairs, but Ben doesn’t seem to mind at all, happily whistling as he puts a kettle on the stove to boil. Klaus sits down at the table, unable to tear his eyes away from Ben—after all, he’s not exactly sure how much time God will allow him to have. 

“So,” Ben starts as he sits down opposite Klaus, leaning back in his chair as he gazes at Klaus. “What stupid thing did you do this time to get you here again?”

“Okay, don’t get mad,” Klaus fidgets, and Ben gives him a look that tells him he’s most likely going to be mad. “I kind of… came here on purpose. You know…” Klaus holds a finger gun up to his head, pretending to use his finger to pull an imaginary trigger. 

“Klaus, you idiot,” Ben groans, putting his face in his hands, because not even moving on to the afterlife will save him from Klaus’ poorly thought out shenanigans. “That is literally the stupidest thing you’ve ever done, and I’ve watched you do stupid things for _seventeen years._ ” He lifts his head back up in order to look straight at Klaus. “What if God didn’t want to send you back this time, huh? What if you _actually died?_ You can’t tell me that’s worth the risk of coming up here, Klaus, you can’t.”

“But it is,” Klaus says quietly, twirling his hair with his ‘HELLO’ hand. “To me, it’s absolutely worth it.”

And by Ben’s heavy sigh, Klaus knows his brother understands. Maybe he doesn’t particularly like it, but he understands—Ben understands that life is hell for Klaus Hargreeves, never able to catch a break as he’s always haunted by one thing or another, whether that be the ghosts, or his abuse and failures in life, or the people in his life who subconsciously won’t let him go but also don’t care enough to make him stay. Klaus wonders how he’ll be able to go on with the one person who does understand not by his side anymore. 

“Where’d you do it?” Ben asks after a moment, peering at Klaus under his lashes. 

“The living room of the new house we’re staying in. Damn, I guess we’re gonna need a new rug. Shit,” Klaus answers, and at Ben’s confused look Klaus tries to explain farther. “So we ended up going back to 2019, but it’s the wrong timeline or something, one where good old Reggie built a completely different Academy called the Bird Academy or something like that. Anyways, the new Academy has it out for us so we’re laying low until Five can figure out how to get us back to our normal timeline. It’s a total clusterfuck—Reggie’s new Number One is _you._ ”

“Me?”

“Well, not _you,_ you,” Klaus tells his surprised brother. “He has your face, but that’s about it. I mean, as far as I know.”

“Well it seems like you guys still have your hands full,” Ben comments as he stands up to pour the freshly brewed tea into mugs. “I’m sorry I can’t be there to help out.”

Klaus feels his heart break at the sad look on Ben’s face as he pours the tea, and when Ben hands him a mug of tea he can see the longing and guilt in his deep, brown eyes. “Don’t be,” Klaus murmurs after he takes a sip of tea. “Look, maybe you did actually enjoy your bonus years on Earth, but I knew you well enough to see that you weren’t truly happy.”

At Ben’s hesitant nod, Klaus feels compelled to keep talking. 

“And like, you saved the world—I’m telling you, that’s a hell of a way to go. You saved Vanya… I don’t know what you said to her, but it was what she needed to hear. She’s been more confident lately and… it’s really nice. So, thanks.”

“Of course,” Ben looks down into his mug. “I was ready to go, I think. Ready to move on—well, almost ready.”

“Oh? Do tell, brother dear,” Klaus raises both eyebrows, urging his soft spoken brother to tell him what’s on his mind. 

“I… I wasn’t happy how we left things between us, Klaus,” Ben says finally, and Klaus bites his bottom lip as the memories of their last week come back to him. Though they love each other, as brothers do, their relationship had been a tad rocky, and some of the things that happened were harder to forget than others. 

“Yeah, that might’ve been a tough couple of days,” Klaus admits, nodding his head and tilting his head to glance at Ben. “Who knew that being in the 1960s would be what finally got us to truly butt heads? Or maybe it was me being sober, I dunno.”

They both chuckle before sitting in silence for a moment.

“But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for being a selfish jackass,” Klaus says in all honesty, looking at his pink and white shoes. Why do his clothes stay all colorful when the rest of him is a deep gray? “Or rather, more of a selfish jackass than usual.”

“Eh, you weren’t the only selfish jackass,” Ben says, taking another sip of tea. “Klaus, the whole possession thing was—was way out of line. I broke a lot of your rules when I knew you would be upset and I broke them anyway, and I’m truly, deeply sorry for that.”

And sure, Klaus has been majorly upset about that incident for a while now, just because he remembers how it felt to be not in control of his own body, and that had been scary. And perhaps he’ll always be upset about it, because there’s nothing like having something done to your body without consent, but part of Klaus thinks that that wasn’t Ben, not truly. He’d been tortured for years in the same spot, invisible to everyone but Klaus, and Klaus doesn’t even want to think about how horrible that must have really been—to be stuck in a world that doesn’t even know you’re still in it. 

“I just can’t stay mad at you, brother mine,” Klaus smiles at him, a real, genuine smile, and Ben returns it happily. “We’re all a bunch of selfish jackasses—it’s the only thing everyone in this family has in common.”

Ben murmurs in agreement, and they finish their tea in silence. 

“Hey, before our time runs out, can I show you something?” Ben says suddenly, a giddiness in his expression as his eyes light up. Klaus agrees, of course, and Ben leads him out of the kitchen and down a hallway towards a room at the end of the hall. Ben pushes the door open, and inside the room are shelves upon shelves of books, almost resembling Belle’s library from that one Disney movie. It’s clearly the biggest room, and all Klaus can feel is happiness and joy for his brother.

It seems Ben has finally found happiness. 

“I guess it’s nice not to have to read the same book over and over again, huh?” Klaus comments as he gazes around the room. 

“It’s paradise,” Ben sighs happily, running his thumb along the spine of a random book. 

“I wish I could stay,” Klaus says suddenly, feeling an immense sadness in his chest that he’s been feeling ever since he realized Ben had moved on weeks ago. 

“No you don’t,” Ben shakes his head, leaning up against a bookcase. “Not really, you don’t. No matter what you say, I know you love our siblings too much to leave them.”

“Well maybe I love you more,” Klaus frowns at his brother. “Just like… just like they love you more than they love me.”

Ben opens his mouth, presumably about to say the words _that’s not true,_ or something along those lines, but he closes it soon after, because he can’t say anything of the sort with any sort of true confidence. 

Diego’s plea for Ben to stay in control still rings fresh in both of their minds. 

“We both know you can’t stay, Klaus,” Ben says softly, gently. “Not yet. Not now.”

“I know,” Klaus whispers, biting down on the inside of his cheek to try and stop himself from crying. 

Ben glances up at a clock on the wall before looking back at Klaus, his eyes knowing and sad. 

“It’s almost time, Klaus,” Ben announces, stepping closer to his brother. Suddenly, Klaus can hear his heartbeat thumping in his ear, getting louder and louder as each second passes. “And for the _love_ of anything holy, do _not_ come here again. You’ve probably already traumatized the others enough for one lifetime tonight.” 

“If I’m back in an hour, it means Diego and Five both beat the living shit out of me for shooting myself on our brand new rug,” Klaus chuckles, pushing his hair out of his face with his ‘GOODBYE’ hand.

Ben opens his arms up for a hug, and Klaus all but throws himself at his now solid brother. Unlike the few times Klaus touched Ben back on Earth, Ben radiates warmth as he wraps his arms around Klaus, both squeezing the other tight because they’re not sure when the next time they’ll be able to hug each other will be. 

“I’m really gonna miss you,” Klaus mumbles into Ben’s shoulder, unable to stop the hot tears from leaking from his eyes. “I dunno if I can go on without you mother henning me all the time.”

“Yes you can, Klaus,” Ben replies quietly. “I know you can. You know how I know that?”

Klaus shakes his head, pulling away from the hug for a moment in order to look his brother in the eyes. 

“I know that because you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met,” Ben whispers, his eyes wide and filled with raw honesty. “You’ll make it through—I know it.”

Klaus dissolves back into Ben’s arms, the tears still dripping down his cheeks. 

“Thanks for everything, Ben,” Klaus says, his voice soft.

“These years have been great, Klaus. They’ve all been gravy.”

Laughter bubbles up inside of Klaus at his brother’s phrasing, and as he does, his vision begins to go white, until a shield is thrown up in front of him, separating him from his brother, from the best friend Klaus has ever had. 

“I love you.”

The words are whispered, carried by the wind into Klaus’ ear. 

And in that moment, before God sends him back down to Earth, Klaus sees flashes of his life, his precious moments with Ben that he may have taken for granted: the three AM waffles at Griddy’s, the laughter, the tears, the anger. All of the times Klaus poured coffee into Ben’s cup, even though it’s never drinken and always goes cold, but he never stopped doing it because to him, Ben was as real as anyone else in this cold, cruel world. Ben was there, always, without fail, throughout the times on the streets and the OD’s, the multiple times in rehab and the times when drugs weren’t available, rendering the ghosts completely visible. 

Now, Ben is truly, genuinely, happy. 

And Klaus is finally happy too, despite everything, because he knows that no matter how far apart they are, Ben will always be at Klaus’ side in spirit.

A weight lifts off of his chest as he slips into darkness.

* * *

Klaus awakes to arguing. 

Typical, really. 

“—knew he was depressed, we should have—”

“You can’t blame this on us, Diego, we didn’t know—”

“He’s our _little brother,_ of course we should have known, we should have _asked—_ ”

“Losing Ben must have been harder on him than we thought…”

Klaus can feel a headache coming on, a side effect of shooting yourself in the head, probably. He lifts his hand to his temple and groans, causing everyone around him to let out a chorus of gasps and shrieks. The noise does nothing to help the pain in his head. 

“Klaus? What _the fuck?”_ Diego chokes out, Klaus opens his eyes to see all of his siblings leaning over him, eyes wide and teary. 

“Damn, this is gonna be a hell of a hangover,” Klaus mumbles, glancing at the hand that had been rubbing his temple and noticing that it’s now covered in blood. 

Twenty minutes later, Klaus is sitting on the partially blood soaked couch. Allison is currently using a wash rag to clean the blood out of his hair—even though Klaus said he could just take a shower, he was met with glares at the mere suggestion of leaving his siblings’ sights. Diego is sitting next to him, both hands holding on tight to Klaus’ hand, fingers on his pulse at all time, Vanya is sitting in a chair adjacent to them, biting her nails nervously as she stares at Klaus with wide eyes, and Luther is leaning against the wall, a look of perpetual confusion on his face. Five is leaning against the couch on the other side of Klaus, peering over Allison’s hand every once in a while to look for a gunshot wound that is magically no longer there. 

“So,” Five breaks the silence, coming around the couch to stand in front of Klaus. “Are you planning on explaining, or are we going to have to beat an explanation out of you?”

“ _Five_ ,” Allison hisses, but Five doesn’t so much as twitch. 

“Yeah, yeah, apparently God hates me, so every time I die she just sends me back,” Klaus shrugs out an explanation.

Five’s eye does twitch at that.

“ _Every time_?” Diego’s hands begin to tighten around Klaus’ wrist. “What the hell do you mean, _every time?”_

“Well I mean, it only happened once before,” Klaus elaborates, thinking back to when he jumped onto the back of that guy at the rave, only to be thrown off so hard that his skull bounced like a fucking basketball. There’s no need for all those details, he thinks. “Twice, now—unless you count the time’s I’ve OD’d, but those didn’t send me upstairs for some reason. I don’t really know how it works.” 

He almost expects his siblings to express their disbelief, but they just stare at him, faces horrified. 

“Klaus?” Vanya’s voice is a little louder than a whisper. “Did you… shoot yourself…?”

Klaus sighs, knowing that there’s no way this conversation is going to be easy. 

“Yeah, I did,” he finally answers, and Diego squeezes his eyes shut. “But not—not because I wanted to—die, or anything, believe me!”

“Are you sure?” Five snarls angrily, but Klaus can see the hurt and the fear behind their smallest brother’s eyes. “Because it sure looked like you did!”

“I promise, I was banking on God sending me back,” Klaus says softly, leaning forward ever so slightly. “And I know that was risky and reckless and stupid, and I’m really sorry for scaring you guys. I’ll never do it again—if I do, I think I may get my ass kicked by a little girl.”

Five takes a deep breath, clearly trying to calm himself down. 

“W-why’d you d-do it?” Diego stutters out, and all eyes fall on Klaus, waiting for him to tell them why he made such a dangerous trip. 

“I just… needed closure,” Klaus tells them, and it seems that they all figure it out at once judging by their faces. 

“From… Ben?” Luther questions, looking like more of a puppy than anything at the current moment. 

“Yeah,” Klaus nods, and he starts thinking of the conversation he’d had with Ben and a smile begins to spread across his face. “He’s happy now, you know. Has a huge ass library.”

One by one, all of his siblings, even Five, smile at the thought of Ben finally being happy. 

It’s a truly amazing thought to have. 

“Are you gonna be okay, Klaus?” Allison asks from where she’s now perched on the arm of the couch. “You’ve been pretty down for a while, and we want you to know that we’re here for you.”

“M-maybe we’re not as g-good as B-B-Ben, but we’ll t-try,” Diego adds. 

“Yeah, I’m gonna make it through,” Klaus grins at them, a smile as real as they’ve ever seen. “It’s gonna all be gravy.”

His siblings all question that phrase with confusion, except for Vanya, who seems to recognize the words, and he shares a smile with her because she _understands._

And hopefully, one day, Klaus will make the others understand too, understand everything about him and his life and his powers. 

It’s time for Klaus to move on, too.

**Author's Note:**

> i rewatched the end of season 2 again, and i was so sad that klaus and ben didn't get to say goodbye after seventeen years together, because the writers can't seem to give a shit about klaus. 
> 
> did i hurt you? let me know!


End file.
